Poem: The Forgotten Poet

The Forgotten Poet

In the rush of adult life
In the crush of joyous years
The poet of yourth has forgotten how
To shed his inky poet tears.

So little time for reflecting self
To putting musical philosophy to pen
Years not wasted, but years not spent
Years merely saved 'till scribed again.

Awaken poet, from unversed sleep
Your love and fantasies await
For you have seen where dragons fly
And gently touched the cheek of fate.


Merak Spielman 11/12/2007

Hanlon's Razor and the Golden Rule

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." I usually tack on "incompetence" or "ignorance" on there as well.

Somewhere along the line, as a very young child, I internalized this. I'm not sure how or why. But even before I had heard the actual saying, I couldn't ever bring myself to comprehend the possibility of people deliberately being mean.

Perhaps I should blame an excess of empathy... maybe my mom asked me one too many times, "How do you think that makes so and so feel?"

Or maybe I suffer from an extreme version of the Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." I would never want somebody to knowingly do or say something that would hurt my feelings, so I would never knowingly and willingly do such things to others. So I can't really rationalize how other people might be doing so -- I just can't put myself in their shoes.

There are consequences to this belief. Most people seem to be under the impression that the world is full of people who deliberately act with malice to promote their own self interest. In contrast, I see a world full of well-meaning, but truly, truly, stupid, incompetent, and ignorant people.

I'm really not sure which way is better.

But it takes me a long time to reach the conclusion that somebody is being deliberately cruel or malicious, and at that point, all I can do is file them in the category of extreme mental illness. I toss them in with all the sociopaths and psychopaths and megalomaniacs of the world. The only way I can come to grips with it is to assume they're not in their right minds.

I know, in my heart, that everybody is rationalizing their actions based on what they think is right and good and virtuous. And while I might disagree with them, I don't like the idea of trying to change them. Because I wouldn't want anybody to change me, you know, just because they thought I was wrong.

As I said, there are consequences for these philosophies.

I have a hard time putting my own interests ahead of other people's. I feel bad. How do I really know I deserve something more than them?

And when somebody does something to me that negatively affects me, I assume it was because they didn't know any better. Or they didn't understand I wouldn't like it. Or they had a really hard decision to make, and this really was the least painful of many options. I have to trust in their benevolence. Or it would break my brain. Some people automatically assume there's a level of dislike or hatred influencing people's decisions... I can't think that way. Because I can't make decisions that way. I treat people with kindness and respect no matter how they're treating me.

Carried to its logical conclusion, this would completely paralyze me as a person. And from time to time I think it has. There's a whole element of human interaction that I just don't get. It makes it hard to understand, for instance, office politics. I'd never be able to be a manager, because I could never make a decision that would make my employees upset.

I feel bad applying for a job, because I might get hired over somebody who needs the job more, just because I'm a better interviewee.

I feel bad getting birthday presents because I'm certain the money people spent on me could have gone towards their debts. What right do I have to negatively influence their finances?

If somebody has a strong opinion, I go along with what they're saying even if I think they're wrong. Because if they feel that strongly about it, they'd be upset not getting to get what they want, and I usually don't care that much anyway...

And somehow I assume everybody else is thinking the same way.

Now, I know logically this can't be the case. But it's one thing to say things and quite another to truly believe them. Most people see the world through the lens of their own beliefs. So I see everybody as empathic and caring and constantly worrying about making people upset.

And when they seem to violate that mold, I assume they're just stupid, or ignorant, or incompetent. And I feel pity and sadness, but never anger or hatred. I just don't know how.

What Universe Do I Live In?

Sometimes I get the feeling that I am some sort of dimensional traveler. Like Quantum Leap, only without  greater cosmic purpose. (or any purpose at all beyond the Universe screwing with me)

There are so many times I specifically remember something, down to minute details, and other people who were present for the event look at me like I'm insane. They all agree on some alternate version that directly contradicts what I remember. That is to say, they all cut me off with, "What are you talking about? That's not what happened at all." and they launch into some elaborate tale of which I have no memory.

Or, as slightly different scenario, sometimes everybody else around me will insist I said or did something of which I have absolutely no recollection. I might say, "this is great, how do you make it?" And my friend says "Um... you're the one who taught me this recipe." And I will be confused, "What are you talking about? I've never eaten this before in my life!" Yeah, I don't really think I'm exaggerating there...

So, of course, there are two possibilities:

First, I have a terrible memory.

Second, I'm somehow experiencing dimensional fluxuations that take me to universes that almost, but not quite, match the ones I remember.

It should be obvious to even the most causal observer that the second option is the one that is most likely to be true.

So perhaps I just popped into a dimension where my other self actually did teach my friend that recipe. But it didn't happen in my continuity, in the universe I came from. Both our memories are completely accurate.

This is why I appreciate the shirt my wife got me, which says "If I don't remember it, it didn't happen." Because in my universe, it really didn't happen! I can prove it -- I don't remember it happening. See?


At any rate, if any of my friends or family are reading this blog, this is clearly the explanation for any incongruities they might think they observe. Sometimes -- frequently -- my recollection of events doesn't match those of anybody else who was present. So you need not bother replying to my posts with corrections. This is Merak's Universe, after all. You can go start your own Universe if you want to tell everybody about your version of events.

(Also, Des never told me to take out the trash. Just for the record. She totally got mad out of nowhere! I swear, the Des from my universe never asked me!)

(seriously though, I'm on actual meds for my memory and concentration. It's kind of a scary thing to not remember things from one minute to the next, and I make light of it mainly because it's better than getting depressed or angry at myself about it. But that said, you can't prove I'm not a dimensional traveler!)

Introduction

My name is Merak Spielman and this is my blog.



I'm not going to bother with a bio, since most people reading this probably already know me. And if they don't, they can learn about me by reading actual blog entries.


Subjects you can expect me to write about include:

Musings/Ponderings
Family/Marriage
Spirituality/Philosophy
Paganism/Wicca
Poetry/Art
Science/Technology
Tabletop RPGs/Computer games
Finances/Money


And pretty much anything else where I feel I have an interesting thing or two to say.


I briefly started a separate blog, regarding living a wonderful life with very little money, but there are so many "frugality" style blogs and websites out there I'm abandoning the concept. There are only a few posts in it worth anything anyway, and I'll just re-post them here when I feel like it. I figure it's better to just be me and not try for a gimmick.

So here I am.